I'm not good at waiting. It's not just that I don't like it and am impatient. Without a plan, my skin starts to feel a little crawly. I've always figured my craving for external structure had to do with my ADD and my difficulty with creating structure for myself.
So I'm doing better with this than I'd anticipated. But I'm still monitoring things obsessively: is my lower-back pain prelabor, or is it just the fact that I'm 9 months pregnant? Is there the slightest tinge of pink to my cervical mucous, indicating that I'm passing the mucous plug, or am I just wearing pink underwear? Are these cramps the beginning of labor contractions, or just general uterine grumpiness? Is my nausea another prelabor symptom, or just the fact that I'm so exhausted that I broke down crying in the bathroom stall at work yesterday*? I can't get past the sense that if I just look hard enough I'll find the signs that will tell me exactly when I'll go into labor. Except it doesn't work like that.
Tomorrow I have my 38 week check-up (well, 38 weeks and 5 days, so really more like 39). I keep feeling my belly tighten, but I honestly don't know if these are early (and painless) contractions, Braxton-Hicks contractions, or just the boy stretching himself out (this kid better be into yoga, because he stretches like nothing I've ever seen). I keep waiting for someone to give me the answer.
*True story! The positive side is that I was so exhausted that I slept straight through the night (from 10 pm to 6:00 am), something I haven't done in well over a month. So I'm not feeling teary and awful today. Just a little impatient.